Log in


October 2015




RSS Atom
Powered by LiveJournal.com

Previous 10

Jul. 24th, 2021


Fanfiction Masterpost

For those of you too lazy to dig through my previous entries and tags, my stories now come in a lovely alphabetical form! If at any point you see a linking error or whatever here, let me know so I can fix it!

Alternate copies of all of these fics may also be found here at AO3, with the exception of comment fics written for Five Acts that are posted elsewhere. The comment fics are not on AO3.

BTVSCollapse )

Doctor Who/TorchwoodCollapse )

Harry PotterCollapse )

Merlin BBCCollapse )

NCISCollapse )

Sherlock BBCCollapse )

Star Trek RebootCollapse )

Stargate AtlantisCollapse )

The Walking DeadCollapse )

X-Men: First ClassCollapse )

CrossoversCollapse )

Oct. 6th, 2015


A lifetime of blah

I've not been doing mentally well lately. I should probably go to a doctor, but at this point it's still not going to happen. As much as I love being an EMT, I'm seriously considering dropping from the fire department and not keeping up with my continued education. Not good. I think something has been telling me to get back in writing, but at this point it's still not going to happen. Lots of crap going on that I'm not going to go into because I'm only using a cell phone keyboard.

Let's put it this way: the only reason I haven't attempted suicide is because I promised my boyfriend not to. I often regret that promise.

Feb. 26th, 2015


Life Stuff Update

So, in my last post I said that a lot was going on with me lately. Stuff is still going on.

One relative went through his heart surgery, and he's doing fine. The other relative is still waiting for his neck surgery, and has since found out he needs a surgery to fix a hernia the size of a fucking grapefruit. Finally, the third relative passed away this afternoon and I can only hope I can get time off for the funeral and visitation.

So, yes, it's been hard.

Feb. 18th, 2015


Sorry not sorry

I'd apologize for being pretty much nonexistent for the last few months, but I'm not that sorry. I didn't mention it in my last post, but a week before I was certified as an EMT, my uncle was in a very bad car accident. He was lucky to survive; the other driver didn't. Since his doctors were idiots, he's been having problems ever since. In the last month, he's needed to go to an oral surgeon, a podiatrist, a urologist, and a neurologist.

Anyways, right now I have one relative in the hospital, two relatives who are about to undergo dangerous surgery, and one relative who had maybe two weeks left. It's been...very stressful. One relative needs cervical spine surgery, another relative has a staph infection in his bloodstream and when that clears up he needs to undergo heart surgery, and the last relative is dying from advanced lung cancer.

Not to mention I just lost my car because the owner is now too paranoid to let me keep it since my uncle's car accident. *sigh*

Nov. 7th, 2014


Emt Blood, Sweat, and Tears (and by blood, I mean vomit)

So, after over a year of fighting and struggling to get into an EMT course, the day has come. I am nationally certified! Months of studying and sweating and freaking out have finally paid off. Last month saw me freaking out in Des Moines while I took my practical skills test. At least I wasn't the only one puking over it. I think I may have deafened the poor guy who told me my results. I was the only person to completely pass the first try! I was dumbfounded, especially since I ran out of time on the trauma skill. It was a tough scenario though. I feel bad for the people who went through what they did earlier, only to realize they tilted the head on a patient with suspected spinal injury, or didn't fasten the patient to the board tight enough because the board was upside down, or forgot to ask if the patient had any allergies and thus completely missed anaphylactic shock. I feel even worse for the people who missed too many skills, and had to leave because they had to retake all the skills.

Anyways, yesterday I trooped down to Fort Dodge to Iowa Central Community College for my big knowledge test. That's two hours, 70-120 questions, difficult trick questions, and a lot of sweating. They do not fool around with those tests. I had to have two forms of ID, check in and check out, have my picture taken, stick my stuff in a locker, the whole nine yards. No bags, jewelry, electronics, coats, absolutely nothing goes in with you. I guess in some facilities they'll do a palm scan or fingerprint you. You're supposed to get there half an hour early for this rigamarole, and the test is scheduled at 1:45 but I'm checked in at 1:10. So, I'm there, taking my test, when the screen completely changes. I've finished the test. I'm completely gobsmacked. I'd gotten maybe 70 questions. The test cost $70. That's a dollar a question. So, I end the test, walk out, grab my stuff, and check out at 1:50. It took me longer to drive down there than it did to take the test.

Also, maybe because our instructor had us use FISDAP exams, I thought the NREMT exam was easy. There were a few questions I eyed skeptically, but it wasn't nearly as difficult as I had been led to believe. The FISDAP exams were ridiculously difficult in comparison. I had more trouble with our class final than this exam. Seriously.

Anyways, I looked today, and boom! Nationally certified! Now to figure out this state certifiation thing...

Jul. 15th, 2014


Random Slice of Life

I love my boyfriend to absolute pieces. He's completely adorkable. About a week or two ago, we had a conversation about possible potential future hypothetical baby names. This is what happened.

Shawn: Hey, what's the name of that one sister from Frozen?

At this point, I give him a bit of a weird look.

Me: ...Anna?

Shawn: No, the other sister. The one with the powers.

At this point, he gets an even weirder look. We have seen this movie a thousand times. He knows this. He knows I know he knows this. The only time it was my idea to see it was when it was in theatres. Every other viewing was his idea. He even has the soundtrack that he plays constantly in his car. (I got it for him for his birthday. The soundtrack, not the car).

Me: Uh, Elsa?

Shawn: I think that would be a good name for a girl. It’s a pretty name. Elsa Dearheart.

And of course that's where he's going. I'm totally not surprised, but its the funniest thing ever.

Me: *grins*

Shawn: What? I like it. Don’t give me that look.

He is totally getting that look. He's lucky that laughter was purely internal.

Me: *grins wider*

Shawn: It's a nice name!

As it is, its a thought. I certainly don't mind the name. Just...

Me: I'm totally telling her whose idea it was if she ever asks, and where you got it from. I hope you know that.

I told you he's adorkable.

May. 30th, 2014


I'm Still Alive!

*insert Portal ending theme here*

Anyways, after roughly seven months of extreme lack of internet, with access to only one (then later two because Verizon loves me) gigs of phone data, I return! I only popped up once or twice with my phone because I was trying to conserve data, and mobile tethering sucks up data like nobody's business.

Several new things have happened to me, and the older stuff I can't really remember so, sorry. I recently just stopped with physical therapy. I had to start last month because I've been having horrid pain in my back off and on for the past year or two. It kicked into high gear right after Christmas, and after unbelievably horrible pain for one week straight in April, I said screw it and went to the doctor. Apparently when I went to the doctor after my skating incident in '06 they missed something. A spinal compression fracture type something. And my chiropractor was making it angry. So now I have to do exercises and keep an eye on my posture which is easier said than done. My right side isn't working as hard as it should, my left side is overcompensating, and let's not even get into my core. My core sucks.

My boyfriend and I redecorated his room, and got him new sheets and stuff. Its so nice and airy in there now! Also, we discovered why his room was an icebox in the winter. Whoever put the chest of drawers in there right in front of the really big windows put it right over the heat vent. Bit of an oversight there. Anyways, right after we put on the new sheets, I woke up the next morning with sores on my face (right under my right ear almost) and on the right side of my neck, just off center. It looked like I'd landed on concrete with my face. It stayed for a week and looked horrible with no signs of healing, it just looked worse and started to spread a bit. From the looks of it, I thought it was a bug bite, and then I thought it might have gotten infected because the hydrogen peroxide kept bubbling on contact with it. So, I went to the doctor after a week. Again. She took one look and knew what it was. I was right, sort of. At one point during the night, something, probably a spider because that's how my luck runs, took a few bites out of me. Then some bacteria on my face got into it and boom, a staph infection is born. It took two weeks of scrubbing and pill-taking and cream applying to make it go down, and now its mostly gone. I just think that its going to scar because its all healed but with shiny skin that looks suspiciously scar-like.

I also got employee of the month! I'm glad they didn't take any pictures, because that was when I had the neck-friend and it still showed a little through the makeup by the time they pulled me aside. I got one employee parking space that some people don't seem to realize has an owner for the month, an awesome hoodie, a gift card for the gas station, a gift card for the restaurant in the hotel where I work, some waterpark passes, some golf passes, and a car charm thing. And the bright orange gift bag, but I don't think that counts. I also got a fifty cent raise about a week or two before that, which is nice. I'm not rolling in the money, but 8.50 an hour is better than 8.00 an hour, especially with the hours I'm working.

I also went camping and hiking, and got a lovely sunburn. No ticks, happily. My boyfriend looks like he's wearing sunburn sleeves. He's currently a million shades darker than I am. I keep meaning to dig up some aloe vera for him, because the stuff I got him after my birthday fiasco went mysteriously missing. I swear I put it in a cabinet in his bathroom, but no dice. He didn't even know what I was talking about until I mentioned the evil green goop, and then he still didn't know where it was.

Oh, and I totally forgot about the birthday fiasco. On my birthday, I went to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned and possible cavities filled (I had none! Best birthday present ever!). While I am in the dentist, I get a few texts.

SHAWN: I'm in the hospital....
SHAWN: Can you come pick me up?

Of course, when I get out, I freak. It turns out that beloved boyfriend had been trying to get his tractor started, and had been on the phone with John Deere when he had accidentally touched the jumper cable end to something metal....and the battery exploded. In his face.

He ended up having to get cream or lotion or something rubbed into his face to help it keep in moisture, and put drops in his eyes to help reduce the pH of the remaining acid in his eyes. At least he'd been wearing contacts. He looked like he had a really bad sunburn. Someone is a bad patient, so I had to bully him to put the cream on, which we decided the best bet was aloe vera (which apparently stung) and I had to really fight him to put the eye drops in. If I wasn't there, the medicine stayed in its tube. I adore him, but he's lucky he didn't blind himself.

Also, after about EIGHT months of annoyances, I finally can get into EMT courses! Its a weird hybrid internet/practical course, but I'm game. Now if I can only get through this stupid paperwork......Seriously, who needs background checks for a college course?

Nov. 19th, 2013


Boredom works in disturbing and mysterious ways

So, I was bored today, and for random kicks decided to look at the Sex Offender Registry. No particular reason, just boredom and curiosity and whatnot. There's nothing like looking at the list for your county and going, "Oh, hey, I know that guy...and that guy...and...that...guy..."


Nov. 8th, 2013


I usually don't have nightmares. This might qualify

I had a dream last night, involving zombies, kittens, and a deer.

My conclusion: Deer are evil.

(Why, you ask? Well, if your dream self had to fend off a deer jumping all over you because you had kittens in your pockets and it wanted to eat said kittens, and then had to pry a kitten out of its mouth, well, you would probably agree. As it is, I don't know if the dream kitten survived the event.)

Nov. 4th, 2013


a really personal thing

I really freaked my boyfriend out yesterday. To be honest, I really freaked myself out. I think its something that should have happened, though.

I have never been a big drinker. I tend to avoid alcohol like the plague. My dad was an alcoholic, and while he wasn't abusive to me that I recall, his addiction did cause various problems for our family, and I don't want that to happen to be. I know how easily I could become attached to alcohol, and I don't want that to happen to me.

Shawn is a drinker. He used to be a big big drinker, but he has slowed down, and he's slowed down even more since we started dating. He knows his drinking makes me worry, but he also knows that I don't mind if he drinks as long as he's responsible and safe about it.

Sometimes, when I'm with him he encourages me to drink. I don't usually drink, but sometimes he'll buy me one or open one for me even though I say no. And then I take it--which is my fault. I can just as easily continue to say no and not take it.

On Saturday, we went to a Halloween party. I had two Sex on the Beach, one really strong shot, and three jello shots. I remember being disappointed when I found the Strawber-Ritas and the Lime-a-Ritas in the fridge because it was late and I kinda wanted those too. Yesterday night, I went to the fridge because I wanted a drink. We had a Mike's Hard, and I wanted it. I was disappointed when there was only one in the fridge, but we also had some daiquiris in the freezer and I figured I'd have some of those later.

Shawn followed me, and made a joke about, wow, me drinking two days in a row.

I realized exactly what I was doing, and put the alcohol back. He tried to stop me and said that he wasn't serious, he was just joking, I can still drink. I knew that, but I'd realized something. I wanted the alcohol. I put it back, and I wanted it. I freaked the fuck out, and cried and hyperventilated on him for at least half an hour. I was this close to an anxiety attack. It was getting hard for me to breathe, and I literally couldn't talk. I stuttered all over the place. Even when I was done freaking out, I still couldn't handle him leaving for more than a few seconds. He went to get a glass of water, and when he came back less than a minute later, I was crying again and I clung to him hard.

I talked it out with him on those few occasions that I could talk, and he offered to take out all the alcohol. I said no. He offered to stop drinking for me. I said no. He offered to stop drinking for us. I said 'I appreciate the thought, but no. If you stop drinking, I want you to stop drinking for yourself. I don't want you to stop for me. I don't want you to stop for us. I want you to stop for you, and because you want to. I don't want you to resent me or our relationship for making you stop drinking. That is something you need to do for yourself.'

He tried to tell me that what I was going through wasn't a big deal, that everyone goes through it, that I wasn't drinking every day and Saturday was a one-off because it was a party. But I was scared that two days would turn into three days, three days could turn into four days, and I still wanted that drink. I didn't want water. I didn't want pop. I didn't want juice. I still wanted alcohol. And I recognized that, and it terrified me.

I told him the one thing he could do for me was keep me away from that fridge. Just keep me away from it.

And he did.

When we went to bed, I clung to him hard. When I woke up at 4am, I was thirsty and kinda woke him up when I started to get out of bed. I told him I wanted some water. He stopped me, and got it for me. I started to cry when he left. When I got my water and went back to bed, I clung right back onto him. I woke up a little while later when the alarm went off. When he came back, I clung on him again.

Just the thought of alcohol makes me feel sick. I feel grateful to him for helping me out last night (and inadvertently helping me to that realization, even if I did freak out hard), and I love him so terribly much. I will admit to crying as I wrote this.

I still want that fucking drink, and it scares me.

Previous 10